


Nightmares and Memories

by Isilarma



Category: Harry Potter - J. K. Rowling
Genre: Aftermath of Violence, Angst, Epic Friendship, Gen, Nightmares, Protective Godric, Surrogate family
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-12-16
Updated: 2013-12-16
Packaged: 2018-01-04 20:26:10
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 4,158
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1085341
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Isilarma/pseuds/Isilarma
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>An injury stirs up long-buried memories for Salazar. Fortunately, Godric never was able to mind his own business.</p>
            </blockquote>





	Nightmares and Memories

**Author's Note:**

> Disclaimer: I do not own Harry Potter and am not affiliated with Bloomsbury or Scholastic Inc.

Godric ducked and felt the heat of the spell as it whizzed over his head.

"Keep your guard up," he called over his shoulder.

"Really? And here I thought I was supposed to wander round with my eyes closed."

Godric rolled his eyes. "Is this really the time for sarcasm?" As he spoke he shot off his own spell and had the satisfaction of seeing his opponent collapse to the floor. The other hesitated, and Godric used the opportunity to check on Salazar. He wasn't particularly worried, Salazar was more than capable of taking on enemies of this standard, but he could no longer deny that he had grown fond of the boy. If anything happened to him, Godric would not be pleased.

Fortunately, Salazar was indeed holding his own. He had foregone his usual tactic of Apparition in an attempt to improve other skills, and Godric was pleased to see that his lessons were paying off. By varying the type and pace of his attacks, Salazar was able to keep his opponent off guard without needing to resort to more dangerous tactics. He caught Godric's eye and raised an eyebrow.

"Don't you have your own to look after?"

Godric created a shield without even bothering to look. "It's under control." As he had expected, a Cutting Curse impacted, but was too weak to do much damage. Salazar just threw him an exasperated look.

"I know what I'm doing, Godric."

Godric smiled. "I know."

Surprise mingled with exasperation on Salazar's face. "Then let me get on with it."

Godric laughed and turned back. "All right. Shout if you need anything."

He didn't have to look to know that Salazar was rolling his eyes, but his attention was drawn back to his own attacker. He seemed to have realised that his attacks were less than effective, and Godric didn't need Rowena's gift of foresight to know that he would soon try to flee.

That was not an acceptable outcome. A flick of his wand and the man collapsed on the floor.

Godric straightened and flexed his fingers. That was two rogues who wouldn't be able to attack any more innocent travellers. He turned back to check on Salazar. His eyes widened.

"Salazar!

A Trip Curse had somehow slipped past Salazar's guard, sending him crashing to the floor. Godric didn't even stop to think. A cutting curse sent Salazar's opponent staggering back, blood spurting from his throat, but Godric was already running to Salazar's side. "Are you all right?"

He was expecting Salazar to glare at him, to snap at his over-protectiveness, but he soon realised Salazar was in no shape to be doing any such thing. He sat hunched over, one hand gripping his leg and the other clasped close to his chest, his face contorted in agony. Godric dropped to his knees next to him.

"Salazar, what happened?"

Salazar spoke around gritted teeth. "Wrist…fell on it."

Godric desperately wanted to ask more, but this was not the place. "Can you Apparate?"

Salazar's hesitation was answer enough. Godric collected Salazar's wand and staff, then gripped the younger boy's shoulder and Apparated both of them back to his room. Salazar staggered as they reappeared, but Godric's grip on him kept him upright.

"Sit down and let me look at this."

Salazar sank into a chair without any protests. His face was pale grey, and his knuckles were white where they gripped his staff. Reluctantly, he held out his damaged wrist.

"I don't think it's broken."

"We'll see." Gently he probed the injury.

Salazar drew in a sharp breath. "Will you please be careful?"

"Sorry," Godric murmured. "It would help if you kept still."

Salazar's expression darkened but he didn't reply as Godric returned his attention to his friend's wrist. He sighed; the joint was twisted and swollen and looked extraordinarily painful.

"Well?"

Godric glanced up. Salazar's face was drawn with the strain of showing as little pain as possible. "It's not broken," he agreed. "Dislocated. You were lucky."

Salazar pulled a face. "If you say so."

Godric patted him lightly on the shoulder. "Maybe this will teach you to stay out of trouble."

"It wasn't even my fault," Salazar muttered.

"This time." He frowned as s shiver wracked Salazar's body. "Hold still. This will take a moment."

Salazar gave a slight nod. Godric took a deep breath and tapped the swelling with his wand. The joint popped back into place with a snap that made Godric's teeth clench, but Salazar just closed his eyes.

"Done?"

Godric nodded. "That's it." He set his wand down and began to wind a bandage around the injury. "Are you all right?"

Salazar nodded, his face once again expressionless as he watched Godric work. "Is that really necessary?"

"Yes," said Godric. "The last thing we want is it coming out again. It should be fine in a couple of days, but there's no point in taking chances." He glanced up, his frown deepening. "Will you be able to manage all right?" A dislocated wrist would be an inconvenience for anyone, but for someone who needed a staff to walk it became an even more serious concern. Salazar grimaced but nodded.

"It is my right hand. I will still be able to use my staff."

"But you won't be able to defend yourself," said Godric quietly. For someone as accident-prone as Salazar, that could be a problem. Salazar just gave a slight shrug.

"I can manage."

Godric raised an eyebrow. "Oh really?"

The next thing he knew he was hanging upside down by his ankles. Salazar nodded, still twirling his wand in his fingers. "Yes."

Godric folded his arms. "Since when have you been ambidextrous?"

"It seemed like a reasonable precaution to take. This is hardly the first time I've injured myself."

"I see your point. Very clearly."

A shadow of a smirk touched Salazar's lips as he lifted the spell and set Godric on his feet. "I thought you might."

Godric shook his head and took the seat opposite him again. "You made a very convincing argument." His smile faded. "Are you sure-"

"I'll be fine, Godric. I always am."

Godric pressed his lips together at the reminder. He had learned not to pry into Salazar's past, but at times like this… "Just be careful."

Salazar gave him a small smile. "Aren't I always?"

"I'm serious, Salazar. At least try to stay out of trouble."

"I never try to find it," Salazar pointed out. "Besides, it will be hard to get into trouble with you dogging my every step."

Godric fought the urge to blush. How did he do that? "I wouldn't be that bad. Not every step at least," he muttered when Salazar raised an eyebrow.

"If you say so."

Godric scowled. "You cannot say it is an unnecessary precaution."

"Yes I can, because it is." His voice softened slightly. "Godric, I do appreciate the concern, but I can take care of myself, injured or not."

Godric didn't reply. He knew perfectly well that Salazar could take care of himself; he had seen the younger boy overcome threats that would destroy wizards twice his age. Even when injured, a not infrequent occurrence in their lives, he had never been what one could call vulnerable. Godric supposed that living with his leg injury for so long had raised his pain tolerance to a remarkable level, but that didn't make it any less disconcerting.

Take today, for example. Godric had dislocated his shoulder once during training, and it had been one of the most painful experiences of his life, especially as the bone was re-set. Yet Salazar had barely made a sound throughout the whole process. Not for the first time Godric wondered where he had learned such strength.

"Godric?"

Godric suppressed a sigh as he met Salazar's gaze. "Never mind." Salazar would not give him the answers he wanted, they had been together long enough for Godric to know that. Salazar's eyes narrowed, and Godric knew it was time to change the subject. "You should get some rest."

"I am not a child."

"No, but it has been a long day and you need to heal."

Salazar scowled at the reminder but he did get to his feet. "What about you?"

Godric shook his head. "I will finish a letter to Rowena first." He pointedly ignored Salazar's knowing smirk. "Sleep well."

"Good night, Godric."

Godric was careful to wait until the tap of wood on stone had died away before allowing his smile to fade. Over the past year and a half he had come to view Salazar as more of a brother than an apprentice, and he hated seeing him hurt. But he hated even more the fact that Salazar was so reluctant to accept his help. He knew that Salazar trusted him as much as Salazar trusted anyone, but if he had any choice, the boy would handle a situation himself. And as much as it drove Godric mad, he had no idea what to do about it.

Godric sighed and located a fresh sheet of parchment. Maybe Rowena would have an idea as to what to do. She had never met Salazar, but Godric had written to her about their progress. With any luck, she would see something he was missing.

He had only been writing for ten minutes or so though when he heard a muffled moan through the wall. Godric frowned.

"Salazar?"

There was no reply. Godric set down his quill and rose to his feet. Salazar usually set up Silencing Charms before allowing himself to sleep at night. He never said anything, but Godric knew he had nightmares. Godric hadn't confronted him, his own dreams were frequently far from pleasant, but it was another thing that he wished Salazar would let him help with.

Another whimper reached his ears and Godric was unable to bear it any longer. It might hurt Salazar's pride, but he refused to do nothing. He slipped from the room and padded silently along the corridor to the next one. As quietly as possible, he pushed open the door.

A single glance was enough to show Godric that his suspicions had been correct. Salazar's sheets were tangled round his body as he thrashed from side to side, and his ashen face was beaded with sweat. Godric was saddened, but not surprised, to find that even now he barely made a sound; despite his obvious distress there came nothing but the occasional low moan.

"Salazar."

A flick of his wand set up a Silencing Charm of his own before he reached down to grip Salazar's shoulder. "Salazar, it's only a dream. Wake up." Salazar mumbled something and Godric felt a flicker of relief. At least this wasn't one of the really bad ones. "That's it. It's not real, Sal."

Salazar let out a long sigh. "Don' call me Sal." His eyelashes flickered, and sleepy silver eyes peered up. "'m awake now."

Godric smiled and perched on the edge of the bed next to him. "So I see." He forced himself not to frown as he felt Salazar shiver. "Are you all right?"

Salazar drew in a deep breath and released it. "I will be." He rubbed his injured wrist with a grimace.

"Do you need a potion for that?"

Salazar considered for a moment then shook his head. "Not just yet."

Godric suppressed a sigh. Already he was trying to withdraw, to prove that he could manage alone. It was infuriating. Common sense warned him not to push it, but every protective instinct in his body was screaming at him not to leave things like this.

As was not unusual, instinct won out. "Would you like to talk about it?"

Salazar stared at him. "Why would I want to talk about it?"

"Because it might help."

Salazar looked away. "Somehow I doubt it."

Guilt gripped Godric. "It wasn't that day, was it?" Those were memories that Godric had no desire to stir.

Salazar gave a small smile. "No. You would have known."

Godric swallowed. "I suppose I would." He hesitated, but knew he had to try. "But you might find that talking does help."

"Or it might just make it hurt more," said Salazar quietly.

"Possibly," Godric admitted. "But aren't the benefits worth the risk?" Salazar stayed silent, his eyes dark with pain and apprehension, and Godric had to fight back another sigh. "Can you at least tell me what it was about?"

Salazar still didn't reply. He was silent for so long in fact that Godric was on the verge of giving up when Salazar finally sighed.

"If you insist."

"I do."

Salazar took a deep breath. "It was my old master."

Godric's eyes narrowed. "The one I met?"

Salazar raised an eyebrow. "You hardly met him, but no. This was one of the earlier ones." A more violent shudder wracked his body. "One of the less pleasant ones."

Godric felt himself grow cold. He had seen Salazar's body the night they met, and the half-healed burns and bruises had eased any guilt he might have felt for that master's death. To hear that there had been ones worse than that…

"It was a long time ago," said Salazar quietly.

"So you would have been very young," Godric whispered. Salazar dipped his head but didn't reply. Godric had to take a moment himself before he could speak. "Why?" He didn't even know what he was asking, but Salazar seemed to understand.

"I was angry. I wanted to learn." His already ashen face paled further at the memories. "I learned too much."

Godric couldn't help himself any longer. He reached out and wrapped an arm around Salazar's shoulders. Salazar stiffened in surprise but did not try to pull away.

"What did he do?" asked Godric quietly.

Salazar sighed. "Does it matter? It was years ago."

"It still matters."

A ghost of a smile touched Salazar's lips, but it disappeared all too quickly. "He wasn't impressed by having to teach a cripple. He said I would be a liability."

"Then he was a fool," said Godric flatly.

Salazar shook his head. "He had a point. An injury to my hand would leave me unable to defend myself."

Understanding was beginning to dawn for Godric. "He was the one who taught you to duel left-handed." Salazar gave a curt nod. "But surely that helped you."

Salazar's laugh was bitter. "The results were worthwhile. His methods left much to be desired."

Godric's breath caught in his chest. "He didn't dislocate-"

"No."

Godric allowed himself to breathe again. "Thank God."

"He broke it."

"What?"

Salazar's resistance to pain now made a horrifying amount of sense. If he had endured something like that in the name of teaching… Dimly he realised that Salazar was speaking and forced himself to concentrate on the words rather than on his growing fury.

"He took me by surprise. Said I would have to adapt if I wanted to survive." A smile that held no trace of humour touched his lips. "So I did."

"Who was he?" asked Godric quietly.

Salazar stilled. "It doesn't matter."

"It matters to me," Godric snarled. "I'm going to break every bone in his body." Salazar stared at him, but Godric was too incensed to care. "And then I'm going to heal him so I can break them all over again."

"Godric-"

"What? He deserves it."

"It wasn't serious."

"He broke your wrist!"

"And in doing so he may well have saved my life." Godric opened his mouth but Salazar didn't give him a chance to interrupt. "This isn't the first time my hand has been injured, Godric. Most people I fight are intelligent enough to recognise an opportunity. Being able to surprise them by fighting with my other hand is one of the reasons I am still alive."

Godric shook his head. "I am not disputing that, and I'm glad you have the skill. But there are any number of ways he could have taught you. Breaking your wrist was nothing more than an act of malice."

Salazar snorted. "What exactly did you expect? He was a master of the Dark Arts." He sighed. "Leave it alone, Godric. It happened years ago."

"How many?"

Salazar raised an eyebrow. "I'm not telling you that any more than I'll tell you who it was."

"Salazar-"

No."

Godric glared at him. He had made it his mission to protect those who could not protect themselves, and to exact retribution on those who misused their gifts, and there was no doubt that this man was guilty. But, more than that, he had hurt Salazar. Godric would not let this go unpunished.

"He needs to pay."

Salazar's gaze turned cold. "That is not for you to decide."

"Yes it is," Godric growled. "I'm going to crucify him."

Salazar just looked at him. "Rowena would be ashamed of you."

Godric would have been less shocked if Salazar had cursed him. That was the last thing he had ever expected to hear. Salazar didn't give him a chance to recover.

"You have spent the past two years telling me not to dwell on the past. That seeking revenge for long ago wrongs would only lead to pain. Are you such a hypocrite that you would ignore your own words?"

Godric could only stare at him. Yes, he had said those things, but… "This isn't vengeance, its justice."

Salazar quirked an eyebrow. "Breaking every bone in his body and crucifying him is your idea of justice?"

"You were a child." There were few crimes Godric abhorred more than hurting a child.

Salazar's expression softened ever so slightly. "And it's over. I am fine."

Godric looked at him, taking in the pallor of his skin and the way he held his arm cradled against his chest. "Really?"

For a split-second Salazar's mask slipped and Godric remembered that, for all his experience and ability, Salazar was still very young. Too young to have endured all that. Then the shields snapped back into place.

"It's over now." He turned away, clearly signalling the end of the matter, but an altogether more alarming thought had just struck Godric.

"Were there others?"

Salazar's voice was level but guarded. "What do you mean?"

"You trained under several masters," said Godric quietly. "You told me so."

"What of it?"

Godric met his gaze steadily. "I can't see them being much more gentle."

Salazar's silence more than answered that question. Godric's stomach twisted violently. Once would have been bad enough. Twice was horrific. Multiple times…

"It's over, Godric," Salazar whispered. "Please just leave it alone." His shivers were more violent now, but Godric was too upset to pay attention.

"What did they do?"

Salazar drew his good leg up to his chest to rest his chin on his knee. His eyes were shadowed with pain and memories. "I'll tell you about it some time."

Godric drew in a breath, but all protests died as he finally took in Salazar's appearance. Not since he had first talked about his parents' death had Godric seen him looking this bad. The sharp, self-confidant young wizard was gone, and in his place was a sixteen year old who had spent nearly half his life fighting to survive.

Godric didn't need to think about it. He simply leaned forwards and pulled the younger wizard into a hug.

"What-"

"Shut up, Sal," Godric murmured.

Salazar tried to draw back, but it didn't take nearly as long as Godric had expected for him to stop resisting. "You are far too fond of doing this," he mumbled.

Godric just smiled. "I don't hear you complaining."

Salazar mumbled something inaudible, but he leaned into Godric's embrace a little. Godric continued to hold him as his shivers subsided and the tension began to drain from his body.

"Are you all right?"

Salazar sighed. "I am fine." He shifted again and this time Godric released him, though he did shift position so that he could lean back against the headboard of the bed while still keeping an arm around Salazar's shoulders. He was pleasantly surprised when Salazar didn't protest the arrangement, but his good mood died as he recalled the past minutes.

"Why didn't you ever say anything?"

Salazar shrugged awkwardly. "I knew you would react like this."

"Salazar."

Salazar picked at a loose thread of the blanket. "There's nothing you can do about it."

"That's not true, and you know it." He ran a hand through his hair. "I could find them." He wouldn't even need Salazar's help apart from their names. He had been doing this for years after all.

"I know," said Salazar quietly. "But as brutal as their methods might have been, their teachings have saved my life more times than I can count. Yours too for that matter." He ducked his head. "Setting you on them would be poor repayment."

Godric set his teeth. "You owe them nothing."

Salazar sighed. "It is not that simple and you know it." He made as if to continue, but paused. Godric tightened his grip ever so slightly.

"What is it?"

Salazar's shoulders slumped. His voice, when he eventually spoke, was very quiet. "It's not like I didn't ask for it."

Godric stilled. "What are you talking about?"

"It was my choice to study those Arts," said Salazar softly. "I can hardly complain about the methods they employed."

Godric could only stare at him. He couldn't be saying what Godric thought he was. Salazar gave a bitter smile. "In a way, I suppose it serves me- Ouch!" His uninjured hand went to the back of his head as he glared daggers at Godric. "What was that for?"

Godric glared right back. "You are an idiot."

"I don't-"

"You were a child who made a mistake. Mistakes don't deserve curses, burns and broken bones."

"These were not childish mistakes," Salazar hissed, and Godric was taken aback by his vehemence. "I chose to study the Dark Arts. I wanted to learn how to cause pain, and to rule others. I deserved everything they did to me."

"Nobody deserves that!" Salazar opened his mouth, but Godric was too furious to give him a chance to interrupt. "You were a child who had watched his parents be murdered. You did what you did out of fear, not malice." He gripped Salazar's shoulders, forcing the younger boy to meet his gaze. "You deserved none of that. And if you continue to argue I will smack your head again."

Salazar stared at him, his eyes wide, and Godric was once again struck by how vulnerable he looked. "You don't know what I did," he finally whispered.

Godric continued to look him in the eye. "I don't," he agreed. "And I don't care. Any mistakes you made were atoned for long ago."

Salazar looked down. "It would be nice to believe that."

Godric rolled his eyes. "Stop being so foolish. Whatever you might have done does not excuse what your master," he didn't even try to hide his contempt, "did to you."

Salazar still didn't look convinced, but whatever protests he was about to make was cut off by an enormous yawn. Godric smiled down at him.

"I think that's enough for one night," he suggested gently. "You're exhausted."

"'m fine." The second yawn that followed didn't exactly help his case. Godric sighed and reached into Salazar's bag for potions.

"Here. Just drink them," he said, when Salazar opened his mouth to protest. You should have taken them earlier."

"I know my limits, Godric."

"You're not supposed to be testing your limits right now; you're supposed to be recovering from an injury."

Salazar scowled, but to Godric's relief he did drink the potions. Godric smiled and ruffled his hair. "Now, doesn't that feel better?"

Salazar just looked at him. "No, I feel much worse." He smoothed his hair back with a scowl, but Godric just laughed.

"I'm glad to hear it."

Salazar grunted and lay back, mindful of his leg and arm. Godric got to his feet and stretched. His muscles ached from sitting still for so long after the earlier fight, but he ignored the discomfort. "Get some sleep, Sal."

"'m trying," Salazar muttered. "Someone keeps talking."

Godric was suddenly grateful for the dim light. "Sorry. I'll leave you in peace."

He was nearly at the door when Salazar spoke.

"Never said I wanted you to leave."

Godric paused. The words were soft, almost inaudible, but there was no mistaking them. Slowly, he turned back. Salazar had rolled over so that he was facing the wall, but it was all too easy to read the tension in his body. The sight tugged at Godric's heartstrings, and he moved back to the bed, Conjuring a chair as he did so.

"Don't worry," he said softly. "I'm not going anywhere."

For a moment there was silence, and he wondered if Salazar had fallen asleep, but then there was a long sigh.

"I know."


End file.
